


The Miracle of Life

by Anonymous



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, F/M, Omega Verse, ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-20
Updated: 2013-08-20
Packaged: 2017-12-24 03:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/934988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a prompt over at the Les Mis Kink Meme at LJ: </p>
<p>"Everyone has come over to support Marius as he gives birth to his first child, the Amis, Valjean, his grandfather, Javert, the Bishop's ghost, everyone. But Marius's baby is a goat kid and he starts crying because Cosette thinks he's been cheating and she starts crying because she never told Marius that she is secretly a goat. Valjean gets confused and punches Marius. In the meanwhile the goat eats the oriental rug."</p>
<p>unbetaed crack badfic. ye be warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Miracle of Life

"Jean-Paul if it's a little boy," Cosette says, smiling proudly, her delicate fingers resting on the taut skin of Marius' stomach. She can feel the little one's heartbeat, faint, a life growing in the body of her husband; his eyes have grown bright and giddy, and the pregnancy has given him a healthy flush. He looks alive, so alive, and has never been more beautiful.

"Jeanne-Paulette for a girl!" he answers. Her smile widens and she gently plants a kiss on his forehead.  
"Yes, love, Jeanne-Paulette," she says and cannot fight the dark fear in a distant corner of her mind, of hooves instead of hair, of fur instead of freckles. She pushes the thought away.

-

"Push, dear!" Inspector Javert's voice is high-pitched but calm as he presses Marius' sweaty hand. Cosette holds his other hand, and her papa kneels between Marius' spread legs. She stares at her omega's face instead of their child. Valjean's fingers are slick with blood and other things she doesn't want to know about. (Who would've thought a birth would be so messy? As an alpha, Cosette never had to worry about this battlefield, and it hits her completely unexpectedly.) When instead of screaming, bleating fills the air, she fights back a sob. Marius' eyes are closed tightly.

"What the-" exclaims one of Marius' friends, Courfeyrac. The room is stuffed with all of the acquaintances. She can hear one of the men bidding farewell to his breakfast, another screaming in horror.

Marius hasn't yet noticed the shape of his child - their child, Cosette thinks, their lovely little child, little Jean-Paul, Jeanne-Paulette, she wants to throw up as well - and Valjean holds up the baby, perplexed and bewildered. She turns her gaze from her husband to her papa. He is pale, and the Inspector grows pale as well.

"Marius, you-" It's Courfeyrac's voice again, but again he does not find the words to finish his statement. Marius blinks, tries to regain his strength, pants and huffs with the exertion of having given birth. He's barely conscious.  
Valjean puts the bleating goat on the ground.

"Pontmercy!" he says, his voice carefully calm and controlled. Cosette has never heard him so furious. "You have betrayed her!"

"What." Marius replies, still panting. Cosette begins to cry, and so does another of Marius' friends. Before Valjean's hand, raised high in the air, can meet her love's face, old Mr Gillenormand catches his arm.  
"Do not dare to hurt him! So what if he slept with a goat?! My own wife has given birth to a horse and I forgave her! Ah, good old Majestique, she's been a great ride." Cosette isn't sure if Majestique is supposed to be Marius' grandmother or his horse-aunt.

Valjean growls.  
"This child stains my Cosette's honor!" he cries valiantly, but Gillenormand's grip is steadfast. Inspector Javert has discreetly disentangled his fingers from Marius' hand, and finally Marius finds the strength to sit up.

"Where is my baby?" he asks, confused. (Marius confused - nothing new.) 

One of his friends, with a severe face framed by golden hair, picks up the little goat and puts it on Marius' belly. He stares at the baby.

"That's not my child," he cries out and Cosette feels horribly, horribly guilty.

"Marius, my-" she begins, but he interrupts her, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks.  
"Cosette, my star! Love of my life, flower of my field, sun of my star!!" He is agitated. His tears continue to wet the sheets. "I do not know how this could happen! I swear, I swear I never had sex with a g-"

"Liar!!" calls a gamin, another of Marius' countless friends, Cosette supposes. "You had sex with Madame Chèvre, have you not!!"  
Marius pales. "I have not!" he exclaims, "We have shared a tender kiss, that is all. You do not know what making love is! You are a naive little boy!"

The goat bleats again.

"It's hungry," whispers Combeferre, concerned.  
Valjean and Gillenormand have started to wrestle on the rug.  
"Shall we feed it?" asks Prouvaire. "I can give it one of the flowers of my flower crown."  
"Oh, Jehan!" sighs the whole room exasperatedly, the whole room but crying Marius and distressed Cosette and the two old men fighting on the ground.

"Baby goats need milk!" says Joly as if he's just reinvented electricity. A few others of the young men nod thoughtfully.  
Marius screams. "It's not mine! It's not, it's not, it didn't come from my body! Where's my baby, where's my sweet little babe?!"

"Marius," says Cosette, her fingers trembling.  
"Love! I am so sorry, forgive me, I do not know how this--" This time, it is Marius who is interrupted.

"Marius, listen, listen! I..." She sighs. The others fall silent, except for her father and Marius' grandfather's panting and snarling. "...it is... it is my fault, not yours. You are the best father my child could have wished for. It is our child, I believe you."

"It is a girl!" says the Inspector who has taken a hold of the goat. "Definitely. I know about this kind of things." He does.

Cosette continues. "It is our child."  
Marius sobs.  
"It is our sweet Jeanne-Paulette, do not fear." Jeanne-Paulette bleats miserably and begins to chew on a potted plant.

"Told you she would want to eat flowers," mutters Prouvaire.  
"Oh, Jehan!" sighs the room again and in the distance, muted laughter can be heard.

Cosette grasps Marius' fingers tightly and presses a kiss to the back of his hand. He has stopped crying, but continues to sob.  
"My love," she whispers, "it is my fault. I am a goat. This is our child, there can be no doubt."

Marius gasps, the shock visible on his face.

"You?!" he says, "but why have you never told me?!?!"

Cosette sighs and kisses his hand again. "I was afraid you would not accept me the way I am."

"Oh, Cosette!" he cries out and pulls her close for a kiss. "How could I not! I love you with my whole being. Javert!"

"Yes, Sir!" says Javert.

"Bring me my child."

"Yes, Sir."

Jeanne-Paulette is placed on Marius' stomach yet again. He reveals his chest and guides the baby's mouth to his nipple.  
It begins to suck happily.

Cosette smiles serenely, love for her little family filling her heart until she feels like bursting.  
The guests sigh in unison. "What a romantic view," says Grantaire dreamily. The ghost of Eponine sobs in a corner.

After Jeanne-Paulette is fed, she falls asleep instantly.  
Everyone smiles. Young life is beautiful. They leave, until it is only Jeanne-Paulette, Cosette, Marius, Valjean and Gillenormand in the room. The older men are still fighting.  
Marius chuckles.

"Our family." says Cosette, and he sighs happily.

**Author's Note:**

> http://makinghugospin.livejournal.com/13488.html?thread=10876848#t10876848
> 
> yyyyeeeeahhh


End file.
